Many years ago I participated in a workshop for women. The program was called Lev l'Lev and the goal was to encourage Jewish women from all walks of life to focus on their similarities and not their differences.
This particular workshop was to see how many of us use the same words to define ourselves at our core.
Imagine concentric circles. At the center is you. Your essence. The central word that defines who you are.
In Judges (chapters 4 and 5) it speaks about a woman. She is the sitting Judge of the time. She leads the Jewish army out to war as their General. She is Devorah. A Prophetess.
When she sings shira to Hashem, in praise of the miracles He has performed, and she speaks of her own part in those miracles she sings her own praise. How does she praise herself? What of her own accommplishments does she mention?
She says "...until I Deborah arose; I arose as a mother in Israel." (Judges 5:7)
Not 'I, brilliant judge.' or 'I, conquering General.' not even 'I, to whom Gd speaks.' No. She defines herself as a MOTHER first. A mother in Israel.
I don't recall now what words my concentric circles were filled with, but I hope they resembled the way I would fill them in now.
[Chassidic Jew] Mother - > Student - > Wife - > Teacher - > Woman - > American
The Chassidic Jew part of me is central to all the other pieces of who I am. So I had to start there.
I am a mother in Israel. For this I am eternally grateful to Gd and indebted to my husband.
I am a student. Of everything. And because I teach I am always studying. I always have questions and I am always searching for answers. I don't always find them, but I am comfortable with the knowledge that I don't know everything.
I am a wife, before a woman. I would not be who I am as a woman without my husband.
I am a teacher and I am female. My gender is unimportant in my teaching. It does not come before or between me and my teaching.
I am woman hear me roar. Being a woman is very important to me and I thank Gd daily for making me 'in accordance to His will.'
And that last one may be a surprise, but I identify strongly with America and the moral and ethical basis upon which America was founded. I am a Daughter of the American Revolution and proud of it. 7 generations from the Magid of Mezerich and 7 generations from George Ross.
Go figure. I AM a Chassidic American.
Sometimes the bitter comfort is in knowing that the individual components in me battling for dominance can meld into that contradiction that is me.
Find who you are and be that person.
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This reminds me of a project we did in my acting class in college. We had to make a list of all our identities- girl, waitress, student,republican,...etc. and then do some acting exercises with them. It was cool to see how some of us had many different versions of "female" on our list, such as girl, woman, lady, chick, daughter, sister, etc. Each "identity" inspires different behavior in the person, even though it's all the same person. Makes me wonder if I'm really who I am, or if I'm a different me every time someone new walks in the room.
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